she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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