I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
