Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
