im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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