Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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