I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
