i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
