I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
