What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
