I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
