don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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