why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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