he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
