Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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