Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
