I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
