You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
