Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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