The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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