i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
