Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
