Sponge bath it is.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
