There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
