He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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