She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
