I bet he comes in French.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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