i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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