He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
