the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
