You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize