I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
