how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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