I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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