When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
