no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
