its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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