He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
