Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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