Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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