Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
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