***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I need a beard to bite.
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