I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
