THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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