I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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