I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
