My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
