I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
