Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
