i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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