I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
