Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Couch. On fire.
is it fun? or sober?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
