Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
