Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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