How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
