Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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