so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
