handjob tips. give me some.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
