Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
