Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
