The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Your tits are I can't wait for
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
