these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
