how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
