Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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