Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
