why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
