he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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