farters have to be the big spoon...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
