Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
