You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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