I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Randomize
