Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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