I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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