I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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