I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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