Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize