love makes seman taste better
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
