WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
