All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
