Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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