And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
