Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
